I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Randomize
