Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
Randomize
