he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
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