I am puke
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
Randomize