I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
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