rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
Keanu Reeves Photobombed A Couple’s Wedding Photos As A Perfect Gift
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
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U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form