my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
He shit in the fireplace