I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
Randomize
