Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
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