Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
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