would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
then he tried to convert me to islam
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.