Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
These Dirty People Haven’t Told Their SO About Their Kinky Fetish
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
This is Why People Stop Sex Halfway Through
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.