i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
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And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
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Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.