I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
You're a waste of cheezeits
The Internet Is Obsessed With This Stripper Who Dropped It Low Just To Eat A Slice Of Pizza
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.