quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
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