id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
Randomize
