My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
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