i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
