just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
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