does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
I thought you said his peep was too small
it is but i have no money and nothing is on tv until 7 when americas next top model comes on.
I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
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