Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
can you sing with all the voices of the mountain? can you paint with al the colors of the windddd
wasted?
im pocohantasssss
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
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