Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Randomize
