Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
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It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
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the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend