Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.