had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
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he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
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BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.