I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
These 29 Nasty People Went To The Bathroom In Public
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
19 People Who Had An Inappropriate Celebrity Encounter
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.