he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
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Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
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him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?