I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
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He called his prostate his "boner button".
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
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