yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
Short Circuit remake moving forward, David Carradine dead by his own hand. Come home soon, society deteriorating rapidly. Nation's capitol likely not safe.
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
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