i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
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