Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
Randomize
