today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
Randomize
