Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
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I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
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