i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
Randomize
