after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
Randomize
