if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
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