I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
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