I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.