Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
Guy Shares All The ‘New Discoveries’ He’s Made Since Moving In With His Girlfriend And It’s Hilariously Relatable
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.