WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
19 Parents Had Epic Reactions When Catching Their Kids Being “Bad”
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
23 Men Confess The Moment They Realized They Wanted A Divorce
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation