Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
Randomize
