apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
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We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
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