help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
Randomize
