Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
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her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
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It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
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