peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
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