dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
Drake has all the answers
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
Randomize
