had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
Randomize
