that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
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