Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
My breath smells like gin and sadness
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
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