I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
Randomize
