just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
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