wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
Randomize
