Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How many fucks given?
0.12846
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize