I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
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