Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
Randomize
