Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize
