john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
