Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
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