I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
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