Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
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